


Coming Out

by icandrawamoth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: All The Projection, Aroflux, Aromantic, Aromanticism, Coming Out, Conversations, Gray-Aromantic Tycho Celchu, Gray-Aromanticism, LGBTQ Themes, LGBTQIA+ themes, M/M, Self-Indulgent, mentions of arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22381240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: Tycho wants to pursue a relationship with Wedge, but first there are some important things Wedge needs to understand about him.
Relationships: Wedge Antilles/Tycho Celchu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Coming Out

Tycho isn't a naive man, but he thinks he can be forgiven for assuming things would be easier after he defected. And in a lot of ways, they are. He knows he's on the right side now. He's more at home. He's making friends. But there are unexpected complications too.

There's Wedge Antilles. Dark-haired, dark-eyed, a wickedly good pilot, and a firm but fair commander. It had taken longer for Wedge to warm up to him than most of the others, and in the time it took them to become friends, Tycho hardly realized how he himself really felt. It took him months to realize the warmth he felt when Wedge was near, the way he thought of him even when he wasn't, meant something more than friendship.

That was a surprise to Tycho, and at first it rocked him. He knows pursuing that desire won't be easy; he knows it won't be simple. But the feeling is strong, and he has to take the risk.

So one day he calls Wedge to his quarters, saying he needs to talk to him about something. Wedge is curious, not knowing quite what this is about, and Tycho wishes it were easier to just spit out all at once, not to make either of them wait. But he starts as simply as he can.

“Do you know what aromanticism is, Wedge?”

“No.”

Tycho's heart has never felt to fragile. “It's a spectrum, but at the far end, it means a person doesn't experience romantic attraction to anyone. They don't fall in love romantically, and most don't date or desire a romantic partner at all.”

“Oh. And you're on that spectrum.”

He catches on quick, but his tone is one Tycho is familiar with. He tries to hide his disappointment.

“What is it?” Wedge asks and Tycho wishes he could quash the swell of affection that he can read him so well.

“You're reacting like a lot of people. Like it's sad or that there's something wrong with me.”

Wedge opens his mouth – then shuts it again as if reconsidering his words. “I'm sorry,” he decides on. “I was surprised, because I've never heard of it, but I didn't mean to come off that way. I want to understand. You mentioned it was a spectrum, so I'm guessing for you it's not one hundred percent like the definition you just gave.”

_I want to understand_. Tycho is still tense and defensive, but those words mean everything. He hasn't heard those nearly as many times. “So romantic attraction is a spectrum,” he begins again. “On one end is fully aromantic, and on the opposite is fully alloromantic, which means feeling that attraction regularly. In the middle is a gray area that can be seen as a little of both but is generally considered closer to aro – short for aromantic. That's how I identify, as gray aromantic, also know as grayromantic or just grayro. That's what I like to use.” Tycho pauses. “This is a lot of words. Do you need me to slow down?”

“No, I think I've got it. Grayro, right? In the middle between no attraction at all and feeling it regularly, but closer to none. What exactly does that mean for you?”

“Right.” Tycho finds himself smiling. It feels good to have such an attentive listener who really cares about what he's saying. “Grayro is kind of a broad term, but the definition you'll most often hear is that it's someone who rarely feels romantic attraction. For me, it's only ever been twice.”

Tycho watches the thoughtful look on Wedge's face, seeing him counting his own experiences behind his eyes and coming up with a markedly different number.

“Your fiancee,” Wedge reasons after a moment.

“And you,” Tycho confirms. Before Wedge's soft blush and smile can burrow too far into his heart, Tycho barrels on. “But there are other things you need to understand before I can ask anything of you. And I'm sorry if this all sounds really presumptive, I am, but it's important to me that you understand everything.”

Wedge is still a little flushed, but his gaze is intent. “I'm listening. Go on, Tycho.”

“First, please understand that even if I'm with you, that's doesn't make me any less aro. Experiencing attraction to you doesn't make that any less an important part of my identity.”

“Of course not. That's like saying either of us is any less a pilot when we're not in our cockpit.”

“Exactly.” Tycho feels warm at the simple understanding the simile shows. But now comes the hard part. “There's something else. Because the only experience I have in any of this was with Nyiestra, it's hard to say for certain, but I can surmise that any other relationship would go similarly. While I usually go with the label grayro, since feeling romantic attraction at all is so rare for me, there's another specific term that describes exactly how I feel when I do: aroflux.”

“Aroflux,” Wedge repeats like he's committing the word to memory. “What does it mean?”

Tycho steels himself. “It means when I do feel that attraction, the level varies. From day to day and sometimes from hour to hour. Some days I might be heard over heels in love and not want to think about anything else but you. Hearts and flowers and hand-holding and all that. Others, I may feel no differently toward you than anyone else I know and not be interested in any of those things. Sometimes I'll even be repulsed by them.”

Tycho's heart pounds hard and anxious as he watches Wedge's reaction to this. He's listening as closely as ever, but he looks a little confused now. Concerned even.

“You look like you have questions,” Tycho ventures.

Wedge bites his lip. “I don't want to say anything that will hurt you inadvertently.”

Tycho manages a tiny smile. “Realizing you might is half the battle.”

“I'm sorry if this is a bad way to put it,” Wedge begins hesitantly, “but are you saying that if we were a couple, some of the time you would love me and some of the time you wouldn't? Sometimes you'd even be repulsed by it?”

Tycho takes a steadying breath as he marshals his response. He'd expected a question like this, but it still stings, and he still wishes it was easier to explain.

“It's not quite that simple,” he says. “Even on my low attraction days, my love for you would still be there. I would still feel strongly for you in ways that aren't romantic. You'd still be my best friend; we'd still know each other better than anyone and have shared history and understandings. And it's not like the romantic feelings would just go away entirely. I would know intellectually that I love you and that we're in a relationship. I would remember those feelings and know they're going to come back.

As for the repulsion, it doesn't happen very often, but it means I wouldn't want to engage in anything overtly romantic while I'm feeling it, and it would be uncomfortable or even upsetting for me if I did. I would never be repulsed by you or our relationship, Wedge. That's not how it works. Does that all make sense?”

Wedge nods thoughtfully.

“And there are other types of attraction that aren't so fickle for me. Aesthetic. You aren't going to stop looking good to me because I might not want to hold your hand that day. Sexual.” He grins. “I bet you can figure out what that one is.”

Wedge's face has gone bright red. “I assumed that was covered under the romantic stuff.”

“Romantic and sexual attraction can be intertwined, but they're separate, too. There's an asexual spectrum just like the aromantic one. Some aromantic people are also asexual and don't feel either attraction, and some are one or the other. I'm very allo on the sexual scale. I like sex, Wedge. Whether attached to romance or not.”

“Good to know,” Wedge squeaks.

Tycho sobers again. “What else do you want to know?”

Wedge calms too, setting aside his embarrassment in favor of the serious conversation again. “I understand that your level of attraction fluctuates when you do feel it,” he says, “but how does that work? Is it just random, or...?”

“It's largely random,” Tycho answers, “but in the past there have been correlations. My attraction levels tend to be lower when I'm tired or stressed, for example. It's a bit like how an allo person's romantic drive might vary with their mood, but more pronounced.”

He pauses, hating that even after Wedge has been so receptive to all of this, he's still waiting for the “obvious” joke, the explanation, the dismissal.

But the only expression on Wedge's face is concern. “Did I say something wrong again? I'm sorry.”

“No, not at all. It's just after I explain that bit that nearly everyone tries to tell me that it's a war and we're all tired and stressed and I'm too sensitive and the aromanticism thing is an excuse and can't possibly be real.” Tycho gulps a breath, trying to swallow helplessness and rage.

Except Wedge looks angry too. “How dare they?” he snaps. “No one gets to tell you how you feel. Not that you need my validation, but I believe every word you've said; it's clear you've thought about this a lot and spent time with it and identifying with these labels is something that makes you comfortable. You're hurting no one, and people need to kriff off with their shitty opinions.”

Tycho's heart swells. He learned long ago he had to fight his own battles on this, but to see Wedge upset on his behalf, to picture him standing beside him in a situation like that...

“It can't be easy,” Wedge muses. “There have to be so many people like me who don't know or who try say your identity isn't real.”

Tycho nods. “There are reasons I'm not out to everyone.”

Wedge looks startled. “But you're discussing it with me. You trust me.”

“I was still afraid of how you'd react,” Tycho admits, “but I wanted to be closer to you, and you needed to know. It was worth it.” His heard is lodged in his throat as he waits for Wedge's next words.

“I'm glad,” Wedge says solemnly. “Because you're worth it too, Tycho. No, that's a bad way of putting it. It makes it sound like I'm just willing to put up with your aromanticism so I can have the rest of you, and that's not true. It's a part of who you are, and if I'm going to have you, I'm going to have all of you.”

“And are you – going to have me?” Tycho can't help but ask.

“Would you be comfortable if I held you hand?”

“Yeah,” Tycho breathes. “The attraction level is pretty high today. Thank you for asking.”

Wedge gives him a small smile Tycho wants to keep forever and takes his hand. His fingers are warm and a little sweaty, and Tycho realizes he's nervous too.

Wedge just gazes at their joined hands for a few moments before speaking quietly. “Those people who were so horrible to you had one thing right. We _are_ fighting a war. People say no one comes back from one completely whole, and I know that's true for me. I'm a different person than I was before I started fighting. I've had my share of trauma and know there's more to come. Yavin still feels like yesterday to me a lot of the time. What I'm trying to say is you're presenting the way your attraction works like it's some kind of hurdle to us having a relationship, and I have my own, too.”

“I have Alderaan,” Tycho says just as softly. “I'm still winning.”

Wedge squeezes his hand gently. “We've both had our share of pain, but we can work on it together. There's also the fact of chain of command and differing ranks, now and in the future. The fact that either of us could be killed at any time. All the practicalities of a wartime relationship.”

“I still think it's worth it.”

Wedge nods and takes a deep breath. “Then I just have one last question. I know it might come out wrong, but I have to ask, as much for your sake as mine. Tycho, are you settling for me?”

Tycho blinks. Of all questions, he hadn't expected that one.

“I mean, are you interested in me mainly because I'm the only person you've felt attracted to since Nyiestra,” Wedge clarifies, looking guilty. “I'm not saying you would. You're a good person, but...”

Tycho understands. Wedge is a good person too. He really is asking for both their sakes. “I have asked myself that,” Tycho tells him honestly. “But the more I get to know you, the more I think I would have chosen you even if I was the most alloromantic person in the galaxy.”

Wedge flushes. “You don't have to say that.”

“I could list all your most admirable traits,” Tycho teases gently.

“Not today,” Wedge says primly, but that sweet smile – the one Tycho dares to think he's one of few people to ever see – is back.

“I'm not settling, Wedge.” Tycho brings up his other hand and cups Wedge's between them. “I want you.”

“Yes.” Wedge looks up, eyes bright and smile giddy. “You asked earlier if I'd have you – and that's kind of what this whole thing has been, right? I want you too. I can't promise I'll always be perfect. I can't promise I won't ever be confused or frustrated, but I promise I will always do my best to understand you and give you what you need. I want to give this relationship a try.”

Tycho feels like there are fireworks going off in his heart. He surges forward, then catches himself, asking breathlessly, “Can I kiss you?”

Wedge grins, and a heartbeat later, warm hands are framing Tycho's face and drawing him in. The kiss is soft, lips meeting gently, briefly. Tycho's heart sings as he imagines how many more might be in their future.

When he moves to pull back, Wedge doesn't let him go far. Their foreheads touch, and Tycho allows himself to just breathe in this space, to appreciate that the hardest part is over. He's said everything he needed to, and Wedge has accepted him. He almost can't believe it.

Wedge is still smiling, his fingers trailing softly through Tycho's hair. “I'll want you to write down some of those terms so I can do my own research. The impetus shouldn't all be on you.”

Tears of gratitude prick Tycho's eyes. “You'd do that for me?”

“I'm going to do everything I can to understand and support you. I meant that.”

A tear breaks free, sliding down Tycho's cheek, and before Wedge can voice his concern, Tycho says, “Good tears, I promise.”

Wedge nods and gently, so gently, thumbs the wetness away. “Thank you for telling me all this. I had no idea, and it means a lot that you trusted me.”

“Thank you for listening and accepting me. This is one of the best conversations about it I've ever had.”

“I'm glad I could give you that.” Wedge angles his head and kisses him again. Tycho sighs into it, so at peace. “What now?” Wedge murmurs against his lips.

“Anything,” Tycho whispers. _Everything._

**Author's Note:**

> ~~Was this an exercise in hardcore projection in which I am Tycho (tho for me the identity is general gray aroace) and Wedge is saying everything I wish my mom would say? *shifty eyes*~~


End file.
